Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line. If you are dyslexic, press retard. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Hello,

I am a businessman and investor from Latvia, looking to launder and possibly double the money I acquired from bank robbery in Bosnia. I am also very interested in human trafficked mail order brides, as my ugly face is not attractive enough for local women.

Will also gladly accept any investments in my cow prostitution business (free demonstration available, blindfold and condoms required). If you wish to participate, please choose from our selection of services below:
-Cow anal
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Also, let me know if you find out what has happened to my grandfather Markuss Zirgstīgstrinkšķināminstruments Kardioradikulomieroneirīts Zirgēdājs Daunis Pakaļa Liepa.

-Andris Liepa

Once upon a time in a mysterious, strange and far-away land called Texas, lived Vera Anderson.
A widower to a wealthy businessman who tragically died in mysterious circumstances involving an American flag, a 6 pack of beer and an eagle, she inherited his husbands property along with $30,000,000.
But that would soon turn out to be short lived, as she now suffers from an unfortunate illness called rumpy-pumpy, and she may only have days to live.
She now must go on a quest to donate her $30,000,000 to a a completely random charitable stranger via email before she dies of rumpy-pumpy.
Coming never to a cinema nowhere near you:
100 LEGIT AND RISK-FREE 2: Electric Boogaloo
Ticket price: $100,000,000

HEY EVERY !! IT'S ME!!!
EV3RY BUDDY 'S FAVORITE [[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]]
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I HAVE A VERY SPECIL [Deal] FOR YOU!
I WILL GIVE YOU [Deal Insurance] ONLY FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF 1000 KROMER. AN AWESOME PRICE.! AN ABSOLUTELY [[Terrifying]] PRICE PRICES SO LOW, EVERYONE I KNOW IS [[Dead]]!!!
BELIEVE IT OR !! I USED TO be A BIG SHOT. THE BIGGEST!!! BUT NOW... I NEED A LITTLE [[Genorisity]]
DON'T YOU WANNA BE A [Big Shot]!
THAT'S RIGHT!! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A [[BIG SHOT]]!!
AND I HAVE JUST.
THE THING.
YOU NEED.
THAT'S
[[Hyperlink Blocked]]

I am Lucinious Alfred Denistan. I am the CEO of Sparklely Buttplugs Incorperated. We provide all your sparklely buttplug needs! Need one in extra large? We can come and measure to insure a nice fit! Wearenotresponsibleforanydeathsthatcomefromourproducts.

I promise I am not just another pillow biter. I only need my stool pushed in. I am looking for donations for my uphill gardeners club. Please contact me. I am ready for a good blumpkin.

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