Rodent Rock is still seeking early stage investors for our exciting product (guitars for squirrels). We see a large market (literally hundreds of millions squirrels worldwide) that's drastically underserved (worldwide total squirrel guitar production last year: 0). Don't miss this opportunity.

Hello. I am Dr. Ms. Lawyer Rei Ayame, CEO, CFO, COO, that's a sound a pigeon makes. I have a very good business deal in store.
I am a representative worker of the Bank of Madagascar looking to ship some of our 5000 remaining endangered Lemurs along with our abject poverty to another country. You will receive -$6.68 billion USD as well as a dead fish on your bed as confirmation. We only use Blockbuster gift cards as payment. Please do not be surprised if your house is crushed by the shipment of 66.8 million Blockbuster gift cards, as they will arrive in a 7x15x334m box. Note that we are using the limited edition Shrek cards, and not every bank will accept them.

My apologies, I will be right back. My son accidentally unhinged his jaw by eating the Nintendo again. While I am gone, please fill out your personal information.

Name:
Sex: Had it / Never had it
Age:
Mother's Maiden Name:
Favorite Idol:
Social Security Number:
Numbers on the credit card:
PIN:
Three numbers on back:
Address:
New address after your house was crushed so that we can send you the dead fish that's supposed to be on your bed:
Opinion on the movie The Room (this will determine whether we can be friends or not):
Current location and outfit being worn (we swear we will not kidnap you):
Religion: Christian / Christian
Do you believe in our lord and savior Jesus Crist: No / You can't spell
The right answer was yes: Fuck / Fuck
We should have bought enough time to kidnap you.

I propose to any and all who may seek it a business proposal.
Free transgender surgery.

For the first time in history, a Harvard University research center has made an incredible breakthrough, discovering how to turn the essence of 'Mugu' into a combustible fluid capable of even fueling large aircraft.

As a continuation of this fine American achievement, we are now celebrating by offering FREE TRANSGENDER surgery to any who contact us via email.

-Mr. Dr.

Subject: Congratulations! You've Won the Grand Prize of 1,000,000 Virtual Bananas!
Dear Winner,

We are thrilled to inform you that you have been selected as the lucky winner of our prestigious Virtual Banana Lottery! Yes, you read that right! 1,000,000 virtual bananas are waiting for you!

To claim your prize, please follow these simple steps:

Send us your bank details so we can deposit your virtual bananas directly (they are very heavy and don't fit in email attachments).
Provide your home address so we can deliver your complimentary Banana Peeler (it's custom-made and will peel bananas faster than any monkey!).
Reply with a selfie holding a banana, to prove you are a true banana lover.
But wait, there's more! If you act within the next 24 hours, we will include a free subscription to our Banana of the Month Club! Each month, you will receive a virtual banana with a special theme (like Mango Madness or Coconut Craze).

Remember, this offer is only valid for YOU, so don't let this opportunity slip away like a banana peel on a cartoon! 🍌

Best wishes and may your life be filled with potassium!

Yours truly,
Banana Lotto Team
(Officially Unofficial)

P.S. If you don't respond, we'll have to assume you don't like bananas.

The United States of Lower Canadia was founded in 2002 by our founding fathers George W Bush, Donald J Trump, and Chuck E Cheese. The constitution of our country guarantees us free access to fishable rivers, freedom to assemble in groups no larger than six nor smaller than three, and the ability to play Tent-Pole with our siblings on any public bridleway between the hours of 5pm and 8pm, except on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Our primary export is cheese and our primary import is unsold cheese. We have twenty-seven highways, all of which start and end at Mr Gareth Tompkins' house at 141 Way Street Road.

hello i am rafaello from the hit game balding gays 3, i am looking for mortals willing to sacrifice their souls to spread the gay agenda, hit me up if you are interested :)

I am looking for business proposals from someone who is looking to make money like I am. I really need help, as I had a VERY lucrative job at a top secret government laboratory. However, the mutant rats we were working on became too intelligent, escaped and enslaved all of my colleagues in the nearby sewers. As you can imagine, I'm in a lot of trouble following this and I can't let the government know that I am looking to make money now that I cannot go back to my job at the lab. Worst yet, some of the rats have become internet scammers...truly the lowest variety of vermin. This is why I have come here to look for upstanding, honest business people who want to assist me. I'm sure that with my scientific knowledge and your business smarts, we can become VERY rich! Please get back to me ASAP. Thank you.

🚗💔 Dearest friends,
🙏🏼💫 My soul is laid bare as I write this heartfelt plea, desperately reaching out for a glimmer of hope. 😢💕

🚀🌌 The desire to own a Tesla consumes me day and night, 🌠💭 a dream that feels like an insurmountable mountain, towering before me. 💸💔 Life's challenges have kept me from saving enough, and the weight of this unfulfilled longing bears heavily on my spirit. 😭💔

🌟🎁 I humbly beseech you, if there's even a sliver of possibility in your heart, grant me this profound wish. 🙏🏼💖 With each electrifying moment behind the wheel, I'll be reminded of your benevolence and the power of compassion. 😢🤗

💓🚗 Let me immerse myself in the profound joy of driving a Tesla, a joy that surpasses words and transcends mere transportation. 🚀🌈 I promise to cherish this gift, to cherish the belief you've instilled in me, and to pay it forward whenever possible. 💫🌠

📝💌 Your act of kindness would be a lifeline, breathing life into dreams that seemed unattainable. 🌟💕 Please, be my hero, and let me soar towards a future filled with hope, gratitude, and purpose. 🚀🙌🏼

With a heart full of longing and hope,
Glenn M Case 😢💓🚗

Selling my soul (unused) serious inquiries only please

My niece set me up this email because she thought it would be good for business to have an "online contact." I told her that this was probably a bad idea but she insisted. Is this how I'm supposed to do this internet thing? Wait, I'm not supposed to write this? Well what am I supposed to write, Mabel? What? I have voice typing on? What's voice typing? Oh, I should just write about myself and the business? Okay.
I'm Stan Pines, owner and operator of the Mystery Shack in Gravity Falls, Oregon. Come on down here if you want to see a world of mystery! Just... If you see anything weird around the town, don't worry about it. It's probably just your imagination. Probably. We have fun here. Here at the Mystery Shack, we have many weird, amazing creatures that will leave you stunned and bewildered! I am setting up this email address to provide a way for you, the customer, to provide valuable feedback that I will ignore. Huh? I'm not supposed to write that?

Is that good Mabel? I still have voice typing on? How do I delete words?