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Chairman's Selections: Life Stories
Life Stories | Sales Pitches | Nonsense | Poetry | Vulgarity
1 | 2021-06-29 | Michael Anderson <>
Hello. My name is Professor Dr. Sir Attorney Mr. Michael James Peter Henry Anderson Sr. II, but I am commonly known as Mr. Michael James Anderson. I live in the United States of Soviet Republics, which is a landlocked country bordered by Belgium and Vietnam.

A long time ago, I invested in coinBit and became extremely rich. I bought a magnificent estate which I affectionately named Mic Ox: "Mic" comes from my name, while "Ox" is the surname of my wife's grandmother's best friend (my wife insisted on using it). For many years I lived on Mic Ox, until one day, a man known as Anderson James Michael stole a Leclerc tank from the French military and fired a seven-kilogram two-stage long-rod tunsten kinetic penetrator at Mic Ox, which completely obliterated it.

I decided to run away to the nearby country of The Union of Capitalist State Republics. As I escaped riding my camel, Anderson James Michael shot at me with the Leclerc's auto-loading 120mm model F1 GIAT CN120-26/52 smoothbore gun. I eventually reached the UCSR. I informed the police of Anderson James Michael's attack, but they kept replying "я не понимаю английский." How useless.

I am currently living in my great-great-great-great grandfather's great-great-great-great grandson's house, and would desperately like quick ways to earn money or business partnerships that can help me gain back the money I have lost. I'm also suing the camel for not running fast enough.

2 | 2021-06-26 | John Levi marcus <>Chairman Approved
Hey,

I'm John Levi marcus - a retired toilet roll holder. My pension currently cannot support my family of 4 - me, my wife, my son and my rotting dead badger. Life is an everyday challenge, especially because I have a Heathrow airport terminal 4 illness. I'm afraid that I may not have anything to pass on to my wonderful family when I eventually kick the bucket. I did find a Rolex on a dead man's hand the other day, but the pawn shop said I had to remove it from the body first. I also had the misfortune of spilling fruit juice over my stamp collection so I cannot sell them on. In doing so, I ruined my ultra rare stamp which depicted the pope riding a bear over a waterfall, with the wind rushing through his Donald trump style toupee. It was beautiful and worth lots of money and I'm gutted that it is now destroyed.

I would thoroughly appreciate any donations, job proposals and maybe some air freshener because my rotting badger is starting to smell funny.

Thanks,
Warm regards,
John

3 | 2021-06-25 | Norm Peterson <>
"All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library and go to the card catalog and see my name under "mental illness."
4 | 2021-06-25 | Andy <>Chairman Approved
My name is Maximillian Forbes Bowmaker Huntingdon-Spanks and I was injured by a piece of space debris, namely a Welsh toilet seat while having marital relations with my wife, Lady Jocasta Huntingdon-Spanks in our greenhouse.
The toilet seat smashed through the roof of our greenhouse, passing over my head and shoulders and coming to rest just above waist level trapping my wifes head in the process.
The damage done may not have been so serious had she not been recently fitted with a dental brace to cure her overbite.
My wife may have choked had it not been for the quick thinking of our head gardener Albert Spanks, (no relation) who came to our rescue armed with a pair of garden shears, a leaf blower and a rather feral bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape with a background note like the armpits of a beautiful girl after three sets of tennis.

I would like to sue the Welsh Space Agency for compensation owing to the fact that I now walk like John Wayne after having undergone penis reconstruction surgery.
I know it was the Welsh Space Agency's fault as the toilet seat had 'Made in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch' written on it and a logo of a red dragon urinating onto the national flag of England ....
Looking forward to a large wodge of cash as compensation for not only myself but also for my good lady wife who has been seriously trumatised by this severely distressing event.
kind regards
Maximillian Forbes Bowmaker Huntingdon-Spanks

5 | 2021-06-16 | Max Mikropenis (0.8 cm) <>
Have gorilla dick (1.2 cm)
am horny
pls sex
or curry scammer i also like :slight_smile:
6 | 2021-05-16 | Amo Pohster <>
My second remaining organ has an infection in it and it is cold to the touch and is black as tar.
Please help.
7 | 2021-04-30 | Dr Chima Chekwas <>
Dear Royal Obah Chief Daughter,pls,i was born by care tiger chief priest doctor in nigeria and am living in Lome-Togo,as a second hand cotton shirt wears trader.moreover,i will like to marry u,as my successful wife,in catholic saint mary vodun-illuminati,but there is no money for me right now,due to,my care Daddy is late.Please can u really help me with some money,to build magazines and houses and marry u.Thanks for real understanding.
8 | 2021-03-21 | Faheem Najm <>
Ever since I was three, I have shit my pants once a day.
9 | 2021-03-09 | lee chang <>
looking for someone to let me shove packing peanuts up their ass
10 | 2021-01-29 | John Gotti <>
I need an African man to fuck me hard in the ass, take all my money then drive me to an abandoned factory and beat me to death with a metal pipe and leave me to be eaten by jackals. Do it now fucker cuz I ain't got all fucken day.
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