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Chairman's Selections: Life Stories
Life Stories | Sales Pitches | Nonsense | Poetry | Profanity
1 | 2024-05-16 | Hans Goldberg <>
Hello, My name is Hans Goldberg, Isreali-Austrian pensioner. As you know, the vile arab palestinian goyim and their antisemitic allies are constantly attacking the peaceful and just state of isreal for no reason. In a recent attack by a crazed arab, I have dropped all my shekels down a sewer pipe and am looking for someone to team up and help me rebuild my money empire. I will NOT go into the sewer pipe because Rabbi Cohen beat me to it.
I hope to hear from you soon,
2 | 2024-05-13 | e <>
On March 8th, 2024, I lost my wife to a scammer who was pretending to sell condoms. This is my story.
It was a dark night, so dark that you would think that it was a setting for a terrible short story. I was walking alone, thinking that it would be funny if I was in a short story about how I was recalling a dark night, so dark that you would think that it was a setting for a terrible short story. This is the end of the story.
3 | 2024-04-22 | Hary Johnsan <>
Please I need money to do money things with. My child has three broken arms so I need money for treatment. (Only one is currently connected to its body)
4 | 2023-11-21 | IIIIIII <>
i killed myself one day when a rat wanted to eat my ballss
5 | 2023-10-29 | Jim Rivets <>
I've lost everything in one year. My construction business was doing great, I finally had enough money for my wife to sleep in the same bed as me, but it all fell apart when every single employee died at my birthday party because of disease. I was forced to finish construction on an apartment complex all by myself but I was so exhausted that I got confused and put the top half a little too far to the left, so when the residents started renting the upper floors it fell into the river and everyone drowned. Now I have to pay $2,000 in damages and apologize to a bunch of people and my wife hates me because I lost all my money to scammers additionally. I just need some money for fast food.
6 | 2023-08-14 | Parkinson Wilkinson <>
Help give some money to a poor man. I was born a dog but then my mother decided to identify as a cat, so I had to become a catboy. Had sex with a rat in the sewer, now I have 200 children and get another $1 million worth of debt every day paying child support. Worked at a bar once, then got fired because I was not allowed to "hump the customers". Looking for jobs, monies, guymans, and sugar daddy to help my extreme desire for more gay sex.
7 | 2023-01-20 | Bryce Allen <>
Hello. I am Bryce Allen.
I was born in a poor village in Nigeria.
I was so ugly that my parents abandoned me in a field.
A wild dog found me, and raised me as her own.
A crazy Catholic priest found me at 10, raised me to be his gigolo, and sent me off on my own at 18, when I was no longer attractive to him.
I found a boat, and took it to Spain, where I was bitten by rattlesnakes, and spend 3 weeks in hospital, until I was deported by ICE to Nigeria again.
Finally, I got a job in an internet cafe in Lagos working as a scam artist.
Please send me money.

Pretty please?

8 | 2022-12-14 | John <>
Once upon a time a man had very big balls. He dragged his balls across everything.
9 | 2022-12-09 | Mary Ramirez <>
How does one facilitate the mating process? I have exhausted all possible positive overtures towards my potential female mate, and I deign to acknowledge that my advances have been met with a cold, dismissive response. I have attempted to establish rapport with the subject via a series of rehearsed jokes and small-talk, but alas, they simply do not find camaraderie in my sophisticated sense of humor. More assertive and direct advancement techniques, including overtly flirtatious remarks and body language were met with much faster, more abrupt attempts to disengage from the social interaction. I simply do not understand the flaw in my social interaction strategies. I am a good-looking male human, and I need a partner with which to ensure the continuation of my gene line. Is not my sophistication sufficient to convince members of the opposite sex that I am prime mating material? From whence have I erred in this most frustrating courting dance?
10 | 2022-08-20 | Anne Richan Smith <>
when i was born neither of my parents showed up to claim me, so the nurse trew me out of the window and i landed on a truck heading to an orphanage, unfortunately it burned out at that smae day so the truck detoured to a dumpster, where i lived for 15 years (i think), then i came out of the dumpster for the very first time and went to school to see what it was, i got bad grades but i still graduated and now i work at a car pieces vending store, if you are reading this, either talk to me or give me some bussiness opportuniuties, either way i would be grateful -anne richan smith
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