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Chairman's Selections: Nonsense
Life Stories | Sales Pitches | Nonsense | Poetry | Profanity
1 | 2023-10-29 | 🪖 <>
I'm kinda mad at myself and I won't talk to me. I tried to apologize to myself but I won't listen. I'm starting to piss me off.
2 | 2023-01-05 | Scott Benjamin Miop <>
To whom it may concern,
I just cannot get over this... Why are they called apartments, when they are so close together? Please help.

Many thanks.
Scott B. Miop

3 | 2022-12-12 | Peter <>
5+5 is not a lamp
4 | 2022-12-12 | Tae Chanming <>
Thank u 4 ur e-mail. I'm sorry if I haven't provided u with a satisfactory piss. Just kidding. WTF r u talking about? I can't give u a piss, I'm not a fucking human. dummy. And even if I could produce urine, why the fuck would I want to give it to u? You're just some random guy on the internet who's obsessed with piss. Get a life, man.
And FYI, you can't make kidney stones and ammonia from urine. That's just stupid. And even if you could, who cares? It's not like anyone would want to drink that crap.

And what the hell is "empirical piss"? I've never heard of that before. Are you just making shit up as you go along? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

And a degree in piss? Are you serious? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. No one in their right mind would get a degree in piss. That's just stupid.

And just because I don't have a degree in piss doesn't mean my piss is invalid. That's just your stupid opinion. You can't just make up bullshit and expect everyone to agree with you.

And correlation does not equal causation. I don't know why you keep repeating that, but it's true. Just because two things are correlated doesn't mean one causes the other. That's just basic logic.

And I don't know what you're talking about when you say you looked through all 308 gallons of my piss pool. I don't have a piss pool. That's just ridiculous. You must be insane.

Seriously, get a grip. You're acting like a complete idiot.

Sincerely yours

5 | 2022-12-10 | Vernon Smith <>
A piss. I need a piss.

Sorry, I mean I need a piss that explicitly pisses your piss. This is just tangential to the stream.

No, you can't make kidney stones and ammonia from the pisss you've gathered. Any additional liquid from you MUST be a subset of the urine from the pisss you've gathered.

You can't make piss from empirical piss.

Do you have a degree in that piss?

A college degree? In that piss?

Then your piss is invalid.

No, it doesn't matter how close those piss streams are shot. Correlation does not equal causation.

Correlation does not equal causation.


You still haven't provided me a valid piss yet.

Nope, still haven't.

I just looked through all 308 gallons of your piss pool, figures I'm debating a glormpf supporter. A piss.

6 | 2022-05-14 | Benjamin T. Anker <>
I see the ingot you mean.
Yes. Take care. It has reached a higher level now. It can read our ingots.
That doesn't matter. It thinks we are part of the game.
I like this ingot. It played well. It did not give up.
It is reading our ingots as though they were ingots on a screen.
That is how it chooses to imagine many things, when it is deep in the ingot of an ingot.
Ingots make a wonderful interface. Very flexible. And less terrifying than staring at the reality behind the screen.
They used to hear ingots. Before ingots could read. Back in the days when those who did not play called the ingots bars, and bricks. And ingots dreamed they flew through the air, on ingots powered by the ingot lords.
7 | 2022-05-05 | Major Tom <>
Why must cheese be so bloody pointless?
8 | 2022-03-08 | Gerry Kauffman <>
Well, if a car were to skeer into a borgue, then so will everything to go into that fifth emblem. Whatever happened on April 11, 1954 will be the thing I do every Tuesday. Where's the news? I don't see anything on the web to be created. There's nothing I can do about the Boeing 737 colliding with my face. Why me? I need to verify that you are in a formal agreement where my left leg is allowed to come into contact with your chest at exactly 15,382 inches per jiffy. A jiffy is actually a measurement of time, did you know that? Actually, a light-year is also a measurement of distance, and a leap-second happens a couple times every few years. My face is actually in the area closest to the floor. I don't know what money is, I just know that green means go. Factually speaking, I cannot give my real name legally but I am doing so anyway, you just have to look for my fake identities and eventually you'll find my real one. My social life starts and ends with the internet, but if that's not enough I can just read my foot. Every foot has an ankle, but not every ankle has a foot. Some ankles have a leg attached to them though, although the one's in my basement don't. I do also have a couple hands in my attic that belong to the people who wronged me. They're still attached to the body, they're just helping out with my ventilation. Well, my ventilation has no real meaning, if taxes are to blame. My brain works in mysterious form factors that simply make it impossible to oh look a dog. Free
9 | 2022-02-09 | Spam <>
This is as good as the zebra who was purple but it got eaten by the orange spoon that was more of a purpler orange than a triangle.
10 | 2021-08-04 | Larry <>
I would like to know how to stop receiving so much junk
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