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Chairman's Selections: Nonsense
Life Stories | Sales Pitches | Nonsense | Poetry | Vulgarity
1 | 2022-05-14 | Benjamin T. Anker <>
I see the ingot you mean. [REDACTED]?
Yes. Take care. It has reached a higher level now. It can read our ingots.
That doesn't matter. It thinks we are part of the game.
I like this ingot. It played well. It did not give up.
It is reading our ingots as though they were ingots on a screen.
That is how it chooses to imagine many things, when it is deep in the ingot of an ingot.
Ingots make a wonderful interface. Very flexible. And less terrifying than staring at the reality behind the screen.
They used to hear ingots. Before ingots could read. Back in the days when those who did not play called the ingots bars, and bricks. And ingots dreamed they flew through the air, on ingots powered by the ingot lords.
2 | 2022-05-05 | Major Tom <>
Why must cheese be so bloody pointless?
3 | 2022-03-08 | Gerry Kauffman <>
Well, if a car were to skeer into a borgue, then so will everything to go into that fifth emblem. Whatever happened on April 11, 1954 will be the thing I do every Tuesday. Where's the news? I don't see anything on the web to be created. There's nothing I can do about the Boeing 737 colliding with my face. Why me? I need to verify that you are in a formal agreement where my left leg is allowed to come into contact with your chest at exactly 15,382 inches per jiffy. A jiffy is actually a measurement of time, did you know that? Actually, a light-year is also a measurement of distance, and a leap-second happens a couple times every few years. My face is actually in the area closest to the floor. I don't know what money is, I just know that green means go. Factually speaking, I cannot give my real name legally but I am doing so anyway, you just have to look for my fake identities and eventually you'll find my real one. My social life starts and ends with the internet, but if that's not enough I can just read my foot. Every foot has an ankle, but not every ankle has a foot. Some ankles have a leg attached to them though, although the one's in my basement don't. I do also have a couple hands in my attic that belong to the people who wronged me. They're still attached to the body, they're just helping out with my ventilation. Well, my ventilation has no real meaning, if taxes are to blame. My brain works in mysterious form factors that simply make it impossible to oh look a dog. Free
4 | 2022-02-09 | Spam <>
This is as good as the zebra who was purple but it got eaten by the orange spoon that was more of a purpler orange than a triangle.
5 | 2022-01-17 | Odin <>
Paper cars don't walk fast in the water. Computers hate working under lava even with funds. Looking at love for my wheelchaair.
6 | 2021-08-04 | Larry <>
I would like to know how to stop receiving so much junk
7 | 2021-07-01 | Marticus McFly <>
Fuck. That is all
8 | 2021-06-20 | Ben <>
I believe that to receive a huge sum of free money, one must first pay a modest processing fee.

I believe that multi-billion dollar tech companies always mess up the refund amount they're going to give you by adding extra zeroes, and the only way to resolve these matters is to drive to Walmart to buy thousands of dollars worth of Google Play cards.

I believe the south border of Texas is littered with abandoned Toyota Corrolas for as far as the eye can see.

Please contact me. I can't wait to comply with your absurd demands.

Love,
Ben

9 | 2021-05-28 | Monica Kell <>
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US, I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! My friends on TikTok send me memes, on Discord it's fucking memes, i was in a server, right? and ALL of the channels are just Among Us stuff. I-I showed my Champion underwear to my girlfriend, and the logo i flipped it and i said "Hey babe, when the underwear sus HAHA ding ding ding ding ding ding ding *takes breath* ding ding ding" I FUCKING LOOKED AT A TRASH CAN, I SAID "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY", I LOOKED AT MY PENIS, I THINK OF THE ASTRONAUT'S HELMET, AND I GO "PENIS, more like peenSUS" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
10 | 2021-05-04 | Leroy Brown <>
My people, they have but ONE bunghole
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