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Chairman's Selections: Life Stories
Life Stories | Sales Pitches | Nonsense | Poetry | Vulgarity
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11 | 2020-09-28 | Ben Dover <>
HARDER DADDY, POUR YOUR HOLY WATER ALL OVER ME
I suffer from major depressive disorder please send help

And strippers

And COCAINE

Nya

12 | 2020-07-25 | damien surrey <>
i am a goatse victim, fuckshit. i will actually rip out your spinal cord with 2 (two) forks.
13 | 2020-07-15 | jason humanly <>
i poop myself everyday
14 | 2020-06-14 | Emily Blitzburg <>
Hello! I am a twenty four year old woman living in the rural areas of New York City, Utah. I am looking for a sweet young man to fall in love with me but his name must be John Barosa and have experience dealing with large amounts of currency. I own several large kitchen umbrellas which are useful in a formal meetinf with the local pumpkins. I am looking forward to receiving large amounts of money to pay off my debt from the deals I made with the council of cows.

With all due respect,
Emily Blitzburg

15 | 2020-05-30 | William Stroker <>
I'm William Stroker and I'd love to have my Willie Stroked while doing the reverse 96 & getting my 420 on. Email me if you want to join me.
16 | 2020-05-22 | olli <>
please i need help they are going to take my knee caps
17 | 2020-05-15 | Milly Tantdyke <>
I import bananas and chew bread for beakless ducks.
18 | 2020-05-11 | Bryce <>
Really looking to invest in cheese, specifically swiss, I have this kink which is that old smelly disgusting cheese makes me really hard.
19 | 2020-04-07 | Sophie Westerburg <>
I was born at a very young age. I only had to parents so growing up was very hard.
20 | 2020-03-04 | Osamin Bin Mohammed-Luke Ladel <>
Hello, my name is Osamin Bin Mohammed-Luke Ladel. I was a middle east warlord who associated with Martin Cabello III, El Pacho and I am also closely related to Stalin and Mussolini. My claim to wealth came in the 1990s when I plundered oil supplies from 12 different countries. As a result, I am wanted in 7 different countries for war crimes. I sold the oil to the Americans who offered me protection and lots of money. I took the money and I stayed in the middle east where I owned a sheep pen and lived happily with my 37 Iranian Brides. I was forced out of the country in the 21st century and moved to America. I joined a Facebook group for Amish newly mothers, only to find myself kicked out instantly. I then knew I had to blend in with America's civilization so I became a Jehovah's witness. I then found out through the Jehovah's witness group I had two mothers, both named Karen. The Jehovah's witness group took all my money and found out about my war crimes and kicked me out. They also own a oil extraction company in the Middle East which has overtaken my operations. My only source of income has been fracking in Scotland as Nicola Sturgeon allows me to do so as long as I hand in information about fellow warlords Jacob Ogbourne and Oliver Hunt. My favorite quote from Gandhi was always this: "If age ain't on the clock, don't give em the cock". This leads me into the point of my life where I joined an anti-nonce movement, as recommended by the 7 different countries that I was wanted in for war crimes. As of now, I need money to fund my organisation so then I can amend for my war crimes and move back to the Middle-East with my 37 Iranian Brides and my long time friends and fellow war lords - Martin Cabello III and El Pacho.I didn't mention earlier I am also dying of corona virus and Martin holds the key to my biology as he can help me out with his Ketogenic diet, I hope you can email me with a proposal Yours Sincerely, Osamin Bin Mohammed-Luke Ladel.
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