First, I want to say up front that I am a beaten man with what the authorities call Diminished Mental Capacity. Usually they also say that I'm not competent to stand trial. Any time I've had any money at all I've been easily tricked into giving it away. I should have learned by now that the carnival people aren't trustworthy but being feeble of mind and lacking courage, social skills and scruples, AND being a dumpster crack baby, I can't expect my lot to improve.
To be fair, the sisters at the St. Barnabas Asylum for Idiotic and Left-Handed Children tried as best they could to beat my demons out of me, but in the end, Father Dominic declared me to be beyond the Lord's Grace and even beyond the Redemption of the Hammers. I didn't miss the beatings and the broken toes, but the beautiful mouth of Sister Octavia, twisted into a cruel sneer, and the numbing pain of her truncheon brought me to exquisite release with long, soft explosions. I cried when she put her head in the oven and went home to Jesus.

I'm a fishmonger from Edmonton, Manitoba, Cahnerder. I have successfully died from a heart attack, nearly joined the Illuminatti, and was in contact with the 100% legit real actual ikea for a little while. Now that I'm back and no longer dead, I cant wait to entangle myself into new business ventures!

Why, hello there, young man. I'm Karl Kristopher Klassen, but you can call me KKK for short. Would you like to hear a story? I'm sure you would! Let's see, when was it - ah, 1942, back before World War III, when I was only a small boy of 33. It was then when I received this telegram, with a title of "NIGERIAN PRINCE SEEKS FORTUNE WITH YOUR ASSISTANCE". I opened it, and to my very utmost surprise, I found a tale of wonderous adventure and misfortune, as this prince fellow had lost all of his money to greedy thieves, who were holding it and him ransom for just $5. I, being a fellow of modest means at that time in my life, sent it to him. He later grew up to be a famous singer named Prince, whom I'm sure you've heard of. Well, it's time for my mid-morning nap, so see you tomorrow, boys and girls. Oh wait, there's only one of you? Guess it's time for another visit to the optometrist's. Oh wait, there's nobody there? Guess I forgot to...

Hello, My name is Hans Goldberg, Isreali-Austrian pensioner. As you know, the vile arab palestinian goyim and their antisemitic allies are constantly attacking the peaceful and just state of isreal for no reason. In a recent attack by a crazed arab, I have dropped all my shekels down a sewer pipe and am looking for someone to team up and help me rebuild my money empire. I will NOT go into the sewer pipe because Rabbi Cohen beat me to it.
I hope to hear from you soon,
-Hans

On March 8th, 2024, I lost my wife to a scammer who was pretending to sell condoms. This is my story.
It was a dark night, so dark that you would think that it was a setting for a terrible short story. I was walking alone, thinking that it would be funny if I was in a short story about how I was recalling a dark night, so dark that you would think that it was a setting for a terrible short story. This is the end of the story.

Please I need money to do money things with. My child has three broken arms so I need money for treatment. (Only one is currently connected to its body)

i killed myself one day when a rat wanted to eat my ballss

I've lost everything in one year. My construction business was doing great, I finally had enough money for my wife to sleep in the same bed as me, but it all fell apart when every single employee died at my birthday party because of disease. I was forced to finish construction on an apartment complex all by myself but I was so exhausted that I got confused and put the top half a little too far to the left, so when the residents started renting the upper floors it fell into the river and everyone drowned. Now I have to pay $2,000 in damages and apologize to a bunch of people and my wife hates me because I lost all my money to scammers additionally. I just need some money for fast food.

Help give some money to a poor man. I was born a dog but then my mother decided to identify as a cat, so I had to become a catboy. Had sex with a rat in the sewer, now I have 200 children and get another $1 million worth of debt every day paying child support. Worked at a bar once, then got fired because I was not allowed to "hump the customers". Looking for jobs, monies, guymans, and sugar daddy to help my extreme desire for more gay sex.

Hello. I am Bryce Allen.
I was born in a poor village in Nigeria.
I was so ugly that my parents abandoned me in a field.
A wild dog found me, and raised me as her own.
A crazy Catholic priest found me at 10, raised me to be his gigolo, and sent me off on my own at 18, when I was no longer attractive to him.
I found a boat, and took it to Spain, where I was bitten by rattlesnakes, and spend 3 weeks in hospital, until I was deported by ICE to Nigeria again.
Finally, I got a job in an internet cafe in Lagos working as a scam artist.
Please send me money.

Pretty please?