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Chairman's Selections: Life Stories
Life Stories | Sales Pitches | Nonsense | Poetry | Profanity
11 | 2022-03-08 | Max Williams <>
My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She fucking died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Mugu, AITA?
12 | 2022-01-31 | Dred Scott <>
We are two Russian brothers. We enjoy live with mother because still very sexy woman but we know soon mother will start to wrinkly and then needing for her butt to be wiped in the care of professionals. We must finding many moneys for good place for mother because only other option if not have money is take mama for boat ride on Volga River in winter and throw her in the deep black waters for make her perish. Better to have rich money from guyman. Please help.
13 | 2022-01-13 | Sir Smooshyface <>
When I was a little llama, I became accustomed to eating baguettes and drinking mothers milk inside the barn in which my parents kept me. In my free time, I would go outside and play around with my favorite toys or the other little llamas. I quite enjoyed shoving baguettes down the throats of the ones who tried to steal my things and angered me. Eventually, my father taught me how to be true gentleman and I grew a mustache.
14 | 2022-01-13 | Sunday Monkey <>Chairman Approved
Step back nonbelievers, or the rain will never come! When I was a small child of 6 or 7 I used to hitchhike to my dealer's house to score an 8 ball. I especially liked it when old unwashed men in vans with filthy curtains in the windows would stop to pick me up. Some of the men had long bushy beards with many days food nestled inside thatch of pubic bread and they would allow me to feed. Others had ravens or starlings or tanagers living within the thatch and in the beards of those men I knew such delicacies as I bit through beak and wing. The song of tiny birds being eaten from a pervert's filthy beard re-wires the pleasure centers of a 6 year old's brain in ways normal people can never understand. One day I bite in too far and I chew off old man's chin and many teeth as well. In our village of Encino, California we have a saying: You are not a man until you have accidentally eaten another man's lower jaw. So at age of 6 I become man. Now I have many filthy van of my own and
I am hiring the filthy men to drive and provide the same filthy experience to every boy who wants eat from the filthy beard. So I am rich beyond wild dreams
15 | 2021-12-07 | James Haverton <>
Sometimes i wonder about things but usually i just eat beans
16 | 2021-11-26 | jeffery <>
a newborn child in need of a surgery for a bigger nose
17 | 2021-11-18 | Chairman Mao <>
有 人放屁麼大聲,我死而 復生了。- Sun Tzu.
18 | 2021-10-01 | Dolphin <>
Im a dolphin washed up on Yeetumus Island. Help.
19 | 2021-08-14 | Akbar Bin Amawhe <>
I am Akbar Bin Amawhe, a fool, a bastard, and a flagrant homo without a license.
20 | 2021-08-05 | Jebediah Gashpunkel <>
Looking to get rich quick after my now sworn enemy - Tedediah (my brother) took all my life savings away from me. I am planning to use this money to concoct a large an convoluted plan to overthrow him as the family head. I have others on my side, but I just need more resources to make the whole thing work.
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