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Chairman's Selections: Life Stories
Life Stories | Sales Pitches | Nonsense | Poetry | Profanity
11 | 2022-04-23 | Gunter <>
we were overjoyed when father returned from the great war and lived with us again in our stinking house on Kaiserstrasse, but our joy turned to despair when father's bones were shattered by the punching machine. My brother, whose name is Horst, sold himself to the carnival and gave us some change. I've made a fortune showing off my penis to older retirees, but unfortunately I can't remember where I buried the money. However, we are a hard working family and even my sister Irmtraud, who is slow in mind and unable to produce understandable speech, was happy to work in the brothel shit. When Mother learned that a wealthy townsman was looking for a talented blind piano tuner, she drove a red-hot awl through her eye sockets and blinded herself. But alas, she had forgotten that she was deaf, and since there were no vacancies for a blind deaf piano tuner, in her desperation she was glad to drown herself in the deep water that lives in a cave in the forest. Without the many thousands of euros that the ironworks paid father for the loss of his hands, we would be penniless. So being quite gullible and totally lacking in wit, charm, education or morals, we must patiently await news from a craft guyman who will bewitch us with such enticements that we will happily give him all the money we have hidden in a box under the linden tree in our garden.
12 | 2022-03-08 | Max Williams <>
My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She fucking died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Mugu, AITA?
13 | 2022-01-31 | Dred Scott <>
We are two Russian brothers. We enjoy live with mother because still very sexy woman but we know soon mother will start to wrinkly and then needing for her butt to be wiped in the care of professionals. We must finding many moneys for good place for mother because only other option if not have money is take mama for boat ride on Volga River in winter and throw her in the deep black waters for make her perish. Better to have rich money from guyman. Please help.
14 | 2022-01-13 | Sir Smooshyface <>
When I was a little llama, I became accustomed to eating baguettes and drinking mothers milk inside the barn in which my parents kept me. In my free time, I would go outside and play around with my favorite toys or the other little llamas. I quite enjoyed shoving baguettes down the throats of the ones who tried to steal my things and angered me. Eventually, my father taught me how to be true gentleman and I grew a mustache.
15 | 2022-01-13 | Sunday Monkey <>Chairman Approved
Step back nonbelievers, or the rain will never come! When I was a small child of 6 or 7 I used to hitchhike to my dealer's house to score an 8 ball. I especially liked it when old unwashed men in vans with filthy curtains in the windows would stop to pick me up. Some of the men had long bushy beards with many days food nestled inside thatch of pubic bread and they would allow me to feed. Others had ravens or starlings or tanagers living within the thatch and in the beards of those men I knew such delicacies as I bit through beak and wing. The song of tiny birds being eaten from a pervert's filthy beard re-wires the pleasure centers of a 6 year old's brain in ways normal people can never understand. One day I bite in too far and I chew off old man's chin and many teeth as well. In our village of Encino, California we have a saying: You are not a man until you have accidentally eaten another man's lower jaw. So at age of 6 I become man. Now I have many filthy van of my own and
I am hiring the filthy men to drive and provide the same filthy experience to every boy who wants eat from the filthy beard. So I am rich beyond wild dreams
16 | 2021-12-07 | James Haverton <>
Sometimes i wonder about things but usually i just eat beans
17 | 2021-11-26 | jeffery <>
a newborn child in need of a surgery for a bigger nose
18 | 2021-11-18 | Chairman Mao <>
有 人放屁麼大聲,我死而 復生了。- Sun Tzu.
19 | 2021-10-01 | Dolphin <>
Im a dolphin washed up on Yeetumus Island. Help.
20 | 2021-08-14 | Akbar Bin Amawhe <>
I am Akbar Bin Amawhe, a fool, a bastard, and a flagrant homo without a license.
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