recently retired financial proctologist for golman sachs, looking to expand my hedge fund portfolio.

"Mr Bandabaloobi said he was from the Nigerian Bank" said Lucius "We first met when he wrote me an email explaining he needed me to transfer 3 million dollars out of the country because a rich old guy had died and the government was going to keep the money unless I could help and for this I would receive a percentage."

"I gave them my account details and bought a plane ticket to Nigeria to meet Mr Bandabaloobi and sign the transfer papers."

"Once I arrived I was beaten and taken to a small hotel room on the outskirts of town. I was stripped and kissed by dark and very hairy men. One of the men, named Carl, was very gentle and told me he loved me but the others were rough. So very rough. I struggled and told them I was a friend of Mr Bandabaloobi but they tied me up and took turns kissing my beautiful body, touching me and making me do things I had sometimes thought about and imagined, but had never expected to really happen because I am straight."

"The fact that one of the men looked like a black version of my dad kind of freaked me out and Carl turned out to be huge but like i said, he was very gentle and we just took things really slow. He's cool, we have swapped emails since. Nothing gay though, cause he knows I am straight."

"Having survived the ordeal and returned home, my only regret is that I missed my meeting with Mr Bandabaloobi and didnt get to see any african animals like giraffes and lions and those little things that peek up really quick and look around and then pop back down really quick. They are really cool. They are like those little dogs that live on the prairie. Cant remember what those ones are called either but they look a little bit like otters. They dont live in water like otters though, they live on the prairies. No, I dont know what a prairie is."

I am an international investigator looking for a spot they commonly call G. I have searched in some small crevices as well as a few larger than expected caverns. I must say I am not sure who is more frustrated - me or the many consultants that expect the spot G to be located yet it has eluded me more often than not. I have not been completely unsuccessful but I have noted that the spot G may be located in one place, but just 6 hours later it has moved off to another location resulting in that particular search been abruptly halted and the search for that day cancelled. I am however resilient and the quest continues.

I love this site! I often give to bums and to the needy, and love helping resolve disputes between crackheads and tweekers in my spare time. Mark $

Turd farmer

I am an Australian sheep farmer who is new to the internet

Hi my name is Bart and i am looking for a 'pen-pal'.

I am based in Antartica on a classified and secret research project investigating U.F.O. and Alien Visitations since Roswell 1947.

The problem i have is because there are only Polar Bears to talk to it gets very boring.

I am seeking to find friendship and perhaps more .... so if you have the same interests as me i would be keen to hear from you.

I hurt my head this morning when I tripped over a massive pile cash at my home. It needs to go, do you want it?

Cactus.

I enjoyed your lovely crochet patterns!