My wife (Shomieda) and I are seeking a $11,538,241.67 (ELEVEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED AND THIRTY EIGHT THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY ONE DOLLARS AND SIXTY SEVEN CENTS) investment to establish an international Institute of Naval Turd Laying (INTL Intl.)

We have already made great progress with this venture, producing a record-breaking (unbroken) length of 3.46 metres off the south-west coast of Cyprus in the Mediterranean. Sadly the Guinness Book of Records was unable to officially verify our achievement due to an unfortunate incident involving a speedboat propeller and tourists on an inflatable sausage.

Our recent success has inspired us to set our sights on the task of "laying cable" across the North Atlantic. The oceanic swells will require a more robust quality of stool, so part of the investment will go towards power foods such as hamburgers, pickled eggs and pizza.

If you are interested in this 100% RISK FREE proposal please contact us URGENTLY at the above address. We will require a barrister to sign the bank documents for the safe transfer of the monies, and please note that this is a highly confidential transaction - you can trust us, we are from the internet.